Among the people our paths allow us to meet, some display intelligence and others, wisdom. Intelligence may be understood as the ability to make enlightened choices ex nihilo (out of nothing) or on the basis of one’s own lived experience. Wisdom, on the other hand, is the ability to make enlightened choices on the basis of other people’s lived experience. With the world’s population nearing eight (8) billion and, above all, in this age of the Internet where we find ourselves in a global village as Samuel Huntington understood it, learning about people living in distant lands is more within reach than ever. What is more, instead of merely learning about them, we will be able to learn from them. That said, the person — or rather, the people — on whom we turn our spotlight today are none other than Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith.
When it comes to Will and Jada, we are speaking of a couple who came together in 1997. 1997 is two years after Will Smith’s divorce from Sheree Zampino, whom he had married three (3) years earlier. 1997 is also the year following the death of Tupac Shakur, with whom Jada Smith was in a relationship. That sketches something of the context in which these two stars got together. We will pass over in silence the several scandals that have tarnished the couple, from Jada Smith’s famous “entanglement” with Augusta Alsina to the two spouses’ various media appearances, by way of the stinging slap at the Oscars on March 28, 2022.
With this article, we are going to question the state of mind of Will Smith, a man emotionally devastated and whose reactions tend to be more impulsive than considered.
It is worth pointing out that the Oscars ceremony was held in a global context in which we were barely emerging from the pandemic (if indeed we have emerged from it), from the lockdowns and the isolation that deeply affected the world and reshaped our habits. That same world is also living through Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, with its share of tension and sorrow. This backdrop clearly depicts the psychological state of our society, which needed to see signs of love, solidarity and unity rather than a spectacular slap in full view of the entire world.
Within the scope of this article, we will concern ourselves with the lessons in wisdom to be drawn rather than trying to play judge and decide who is right and who is wrong:
- Restraining our impulses: we must bear in mind that we are all human and that the flesh is weak. At bottom, Man is himself an animal and there is no radical difference between him and other species. Other animals are bipedal, others have brains of considerable size, and the other primates use their hands with opposable thumbs just as we do. But Man is said to be a cultural animal; that is to insist on the weight of culture, of education and of civilization, which mean that Man is supposed to perform acts that bring him closer to his humanity than to his animality. On top of that, Man possesses a conscience, a fundamental difference from the animal kingdom. Consequently, he must be able to contain himself and restrain his impulses. Manifestly, our friend Will neither knew how to nor was able to contain his own. Besides, I am astonished that we speak so much of Will Smith yet forget the man thanks to whom the ceremony was able to run its course: Chris Rock. Have you pictured the farcical scenario we would have witnessed had Chris thought to answer that slap? He did not react but chose instead to play the peacemaker; his composure and his professionalism saved the ceremony. He did not even wish for Will to be removed from the room, nor did he want to file a complaint against him. Here is what confirms that to be great, we must restrain our impulses.
- Thinking before acting: it seems so easy to do, but when you reach a certain level in your life and are submerged by tensions and pressures of every kind, it becomes very easy to forget this basic rule of human relations. We continually have other people’s eyes upon us, as I said in my fifth anecdote. We are all under the spotlight in the digital age. Let us take care to act with dignity everywhere, always and at all times. It is not pointless to specify that even in moments of intense joy we must think before acting, and that this vigilance must be heightened when we are going through emotional instability, as Will was.
- A healthy body for a healthy couple: many people enter a relationship so that the other person will come and play a crucial role in their life. They have not finished grieving their past relationships, nor finished working through the divorce they lived through; they have not grieved a partner or a parent who died, nor made peace with their past, and they are still wrestling with their old demons. Under such conditions, it is obvious that these people will offer their partners no peace of mind. They will want to find in their spouse the father, the mother, the former partner or the daughter they have lost. Ultimately, the other person must add options to you; not make you who you are. “What do I have to offer?” rather than “What do I need?” — such is the preliminary question before seriously committing to a relationship. Will has personally gone through several stages of emotional instability and mental health troubles. Was he in any condition to live a fulfilled marriage? Opinions differ. In short, recover yourself before you discover another.
- Showing yourself as you are: as Will Smith confided, “If she chose me over Tupac, I couldn’t be a coward. I have rarely felt so validated”. Feeling validated by your partner is a feeling we are forever seeking. Whether we are in a casual or a serious relationship, however little intimacy it holds, the need to be validated is always there. The lesson to retain here is that we must, against all odds, show ourselves in our true light. We must therefore be ourselves and know our limits, our fears. It is also right to say so when the line has been crossed. But how? That is where Will went wrong. You may touch anything but his wife: “Keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth!” the 53-year-old actor had shouted. While making the effort to improve and reach a better version of ourselves, it is important to show ourselves in our true light and to let ourselves be helped. One easily understands that the obsession with not being a coward in Jada’s eyes, with always appearing as a hero, is the driving energy that led Will to commit this unreasonable act, which will remain forever in the annals of Oscars history even after Will was suspended for ten (10) years.
- Making sure you share the same vision of the couple: for many people, once married, it is “the two of us against the whole world”. Since love makes us blind, it is useful to check how the other person understands the couple. The truth is such that, in a moment of discomfort, one partner may fully honour that commitment while the other might hold something back. With Will, one easily understands that he holds a very lofty understanding of the couple and of the family. This conception, visibly not shared by Jada, can lead Will to perform acts meant to protect Jada, while she would consider them inappropriate and disown them. And so, after the Oscars scandal, Jada would maintain: “I don’t need protection. It’s Will who overreacted”. Which brings us to the next lesson in wisdom:
- Reacting proportionally: we recall the famous adage: “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. In our dealings with our fellow human beings, we should keep two things in mind when we feel offended: forgiveness (the best answer, in fact, though not the easiest when the offences are premeditated and repeated) and reaction. As for the latter, however, it must be measured, proportional and of the same nature as the offence. In other words, acts against acts, words against words, the same category of weapons against the same category of weapons, and so on. To come back to Will Smith, a slap against words does not work. Hence Jada’s view that Will “overreacted”. Jada Smith’s own reaction of disapproval — rolling her eyes to the heavens to express her displeasure at Chris Rock’s tasteless joke — now that one is proportional. The moral here: failing forgiveness, let us learn to react proportionally.
The last lesson in wisdom that comes to us, not from Will Smith but from this Oscars episode, is Denzel Washington’s line “At your highest moment, be careful. That’s when the devil comes for you”, which could be put this way: “When you are at the summit, be careful. That is the moment when the devil comes looking for you”. It reminds us to show humility, wisdom and clear-sightedness when we begin to be lifted up. The devil, temptation and the risk of tumbling down are never very far away. Let us pray without ceasing!!
And you — what do the events surrounding the Smith couple inspire in you? What other lessons have you drawn?
M. Z.
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