Women on their own, left behind and regarded by some as the forgotten ones of the Republic, single mothers face a number of challenges to which some women will never be exposed. Confronted with so many challenges in a world where they do not have it easy, it is urgent that single mothers adopt healthy behaviours in order to protect themselves and to protect their children.
We list a few of them here:
Knowing how to find true love : Single mothers, like all women on their own who have reached a certain age, have the existential need to fill a void and to have a life partner. Which is entirely legitimate. Even within that noble mission, they will be led to cross paths with society’s men; that is to say, those men moulded neither to understand nor to accept their past, but merely to condemn it. Some of these men, generally interested only in their bodies and in the prospect of intimate evenings on demand, will use every sort of subterfuge to lure them in. The craftier ones, aware of the thread of feeling that binds a mother to her child, will pay attention to the children and offer them little gifts in order to buy the single mother’s attention, her conscience and her interest. That is where the trap lies: being able to tell the false from the true.
Knowing how to be cautious : And even once this mission of telling the false from the true has been accomplished, they will then have to take care not to leap into the arms of the first man who comes along. Indeed, when you come back from hell, every landscape looks like paradise. They are exposed to being made to believe all sorts of things. That is where they are called upon to show great caution, for let us remember that they must protect themselves and also protect their children. Strength and clear-sightedness can quickly run short. Hence the second solution: prayer.
Knowing how to pray : To pray is the channel through which believers draw new strength. As it is said in Psalm 73:26, "My body and my heart may fail, yet God will always be the rock of my heart and my good portion." When you, single mother, no longer know which way to turn in the face of all your challenges, "Commit your fate to the LORD, put your trust in him, and he will act" (Psalm 37:5). It is through prayers such as these that these mothers will find the strength to press on when the world weighs them down and the sky grows dark. By faith, we believe that "Whoever walks in darkness and lacks light, let him trust in the name of the LORD and lean upon his God!" (Isaiah 50:10). If prayer helps ordinary mortals to go further and to find answers to all kinds of questions, why would it not help the mother who prays for herself and her children? And so doing good and praying are powerful weapons in the hands of single mothers, for "We know, moreover, that all things work together for the good of those who love God, of those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28-33)
Knowing how to avoid the easy way : When you are at the end of your rope and every option seems to have been explored and exhausted, it is very easy to fall into taking the easy way. And so revising your expectations downward is a trap that lies in wait for single mothers from time to time. With the backing of friends, sisters and cousins who are often less than well-meaning, it is very easy to waver and to want to settle. As in every situation, sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. The most important thing is to align yourself with what your heart desires, to listen to that small voice deep inside you without giving in to the surrounding noise. Not lowering your expectations and knowing how to wait for the best are the barriers that will protect single mothers and children from choices that could prove harmful to them.
Knowing how to be patient : Finally, single mothers must also show patience. In a world where everything moves fast, where values are losing their substance, where women are all competitors, where some of them are prepared to show so much frivolity in order to lure a man, it is fitting to take your time, to centre yourself and to decide what is important and what is not. The single mother must understand that the priority is her; her child comes next. This work of drawing new strength must be carried out as often as necessary, so as not to lose your bearings and to keep your authenticity. There is no need to close by saying that we are all aware of the setbacks and the misfires — sometimes with very heavy consequences — into which haste plunges us.
Better alone than badly accompanied, so they say, is it not?
During this month in which we celebrate women, let us think of these women who are obliged to play two roles, and let us support them. A simple prayer on their behalf is already a saving grace.
M. Z.
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