This title is inspired by a true story.
We were in a WhatsApp group—a mini WhatsApp group, I would say. It was the kind of group composed of four (4) people where everyone knows everyone else and even knows where everyone lives. That is to say, there was a great deal of familiarity, conviviality, and respect within this space.
One day, when the decision had been made to go golfing, an unexpected event arose, and I was unable to attend. I expressed this at the last minute, and Ryan, the group member who had organized the activity, lost his temper. While I will spare you the details, the subsequent exchanges, both from him and from me, were extremely harsh, inappropriate, inadequate, unusual, and completely beyond the bounds of friendship, respect, and family in which we had always interacted.
This episode made me wonder about the true nature of people:
« Was the Ryan who sent me these harsh messages really the one I know, or was it someone else? »
« Did he send these messages consciously, or did the situation overwhelm him? »
« Should I see Ryan through the prism of this language gap, or should I recall all the cordial exchanges and contacts we always had before this episode? »
« In short, what is the true nature of Ryan: the Ryan I read or the Ryan I know? Furthermore, is this the Ryan I know or think I know? »
So many questions today without answers.
I realize, therefore, that questioning one’s true nature has a dual purpose: it is preventive for the one who performs the act and curative for the one for whom the act is intended.
On the one hand, questioning oneself about one’s own true nature before committing an act puts us in a position of self-censorship: are these words that I am using worthy of me? Will I be able to answer for what I am about to do? Does this act that I am about to commit elevate me or demean me? Do these words honor me or dishonor me? Are my intrinsic values in conformity, in every way, with what I am going to say or do? Will I have the time and energy necessary to resolve this problem if, through my act, this situation were to degenerate? Is the image that I am going to send back through this act my true self, my true nature? Etc. If you answered favorably to all these questions, then it is a green light. If you hesitate on a single question, you should perhaps analyze your behavior again. This is the preventive effect.
On the other hand, asking yourself whether the act or words directed at you reflect the true nature of your interlocutor leads you to position yourself in relation to them. If you find that this is part of their true nature or is a habit, it might be time to address the issue and point out the breakdown in order to restore respect in the relationship. In the context of repeat offenses, your response should be proportionate to the harm suffered. Conversely, if you find that this is an isolated case and that this offensive behavior or hurtful words originate from a stressful or troubling situation your loved one is experiencing, you could choose to ignore the situation or simply mention the offense you suffered.
In either case, you should never remain silent about a situation that has affected you emotionally. This pain that you have kept hidden could slowly erode your relationship and consume you from within. Under no circumstances should you allow this, not in love, friendship, or even at work.
In short, live in harmony with yourself, your values, and your true nature, and express your feelings, whatever they may be and toward whomever they may be directed. This alone is the guarantee of a fulfilling life.
M. Z.